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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Tomorrow, I play God -

Blade's not doing well. The tumor is growing. His legs seem to be swollen. It's difficult to stand if he has to use that leg to get up on if he's lying down. He doesn't ask to go out, and lays in two or three places. Tonight I found him lying on his side with his head under a chest I have in the dining room. He's never done that.

He had chocolate ice cream tonight; earlier, chicken gizzards and Basmati rice and chicken livers the way he likes them. He almost couldn't finish his ice cream; unusual for him.

Tomorrow I will pack up the chicken livers, put a blanket on the back seat of my van, and take him for a ride. His doctor will come out to the parking lot, so as not to make him walk. Holly misstepped tonight and stepped on the tumor. It hurt him. He cried out. And then, when the chicken livers are gone, my boy will go to sleep.

Tonight he crossed the yard with the others at a trot and not a dead run, to see Emma at the fence. Emma lives next door. The others ran ahead of him.

He has difficulty jumping up on the sofa, so he's been lying on folded serapes or pillows on the floor.

He doesn't want Sophie to bother him, so she is trying very hard to make Maya take his place.

Sophie is in love with Blade - ever since she was a baby. She is nearly a year old and still crazy about him. See the photos in the beginning of the blog.

I will drive him to the facility that will cremate him.

I knew this was fatal. I knew this day will come. There will be no sleep for me tonight.

I cannot allow myself to weep. If I do, I may never stop.

1 comment:

Todd said...

I remember well when I/we had to have dog put down 10 years ago. Very sad day. I was okay unless her name was spoken. Hope you do okay and remember him when he was at his best. *HUGS*