Where's COLUMBO When You Need Him

Where's COLUMBO When You Need Him?

>            Ah . . Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir. .
>
>
>            Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I
> know you're busy, and important and stuff. I mean running the county
> is very important and -- ah -- I hate to bother you Sir. I will only
> take a minute.
> Ok Sir?
>            See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up,
> and I was wondering Sir, if you could take time out of your busy
> schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends
> and things.
>            Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like
> this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this
> you know?
> Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a
> museum once!
>            Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if
> you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will
> get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take
> the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir?
> No? I didn't think so...
>            Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information
> I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released"
> or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or
> something, so if you could you tell me where these things are -- I --
> I have them written down here somewhere -- oh wait. Sorry about the
> smears. It was raining out.
> I'll just read it to you.
>            Could you please help me find these things Sir?
>            1. Occidental College records -- Not released
>            2. Columbia College records -- Not released
>            3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available"
>            4. Harvard College records -- Not released
>            5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
>            6. Medical records -- Not released
>            7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available
>            8. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available
>            9. Law practice client list -- Not released
>            10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not
> released
>            11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth --
> Not released
>            12. Record of your baptism -- Not available
>            Oh and one more thing Senator, I can't seem to find any
> articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a
> Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me
> Sir?
>
>            Oh but, hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too
> much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back

tomorrow.

> Give
> you some time to get these things together, You know? I mean, I know
> you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the
> day after.
> .
> .
>            What's that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things?
>            We the People of the United States of America ! You know,
> the ones that vote.
>