From Virgil - Quote of the Day

"I have tried but reached only disaster; I have battled but broken my lance; I am bruised by a pitiless monster; that the weak and the timid call chance. I am old, I am beat, I am cheated of all that youth urged me to win; but name me not with the defeated, for TOMORROW, I BEGIN AGAIN."

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! TOMORROW'S ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY!

And here is our friend's column - Dr. Thomas Butts...

On Beginning Again

by Dr. Thomas L. Butts

There is something humbling about having to begin again with some project we assumed we could get right the first time. There are some for whom failure the first time around is not only embarrassing, but absolutely unacceptable. For those who hold this view of reality, a project is abandoned after a first-time failure. That is why there are so many who have given up on so much, including life itself.

We have just ended a year in which so much has happened that so many never dreamed could happen. The landscape is strewn with victims. Many systems and sectors of our social and economic fabric have failed. A systemic failure is not singular. There are thousands of people who were not directly employed by some failed system whose lives have been adversely affected. Many are depressed and discouraged by what they have lost or may lose. Psychiatric hospitals nationwide are reporting that admissions have more than doubled due to people suffering extreme stress about home foreclosures, job losses and plunging stock prices. The fear and turmoil are palpable.

Have I left any of you out of this picture? I doubt it, but if I have, the picture can be expanded to include you--and me. There are so many people who are struggling in a web they did not spin.

What to do?! I recall a short piece of poetry attributed to Virgil, the great Roman Poet. See if it speaks to the situation in general and you in particular. "I have tried but reached only disaster; I have battled but broken my lance; I am bruised by a pitiless monster; that the weak and the timid call chance. I am old, I am beat, I am cheated of all that youth urged me to win; but name me not with the defeated, for TOMORROW, I BEGIN AGAIN." Can you hear that?

There are many people who at some turn in their lives come to see that their original life goals and dreams have not been realized, and probably never will be. A business failed, a marriage ended up on the rocks, a child brought home a load of trouble you cannot fix, somebody died or somebody left us in one of the many ways in which someone can go away. There are a thousand things (most of them unexpected) that can unhinge life and leave us anchored in the zone of desperation. Most of them can happen to any of us. Perhaps some one of them happened to you in the past twelve months.

Our life-story has far less to do with what has happened to us than with what we do with what has happened. We have all had enough misfortune in life to make a pretty good case for our being unhappy, if we choose to respond to reality in that manner. We forget, or never learned, that the most likely atmosphere in which creative changes takes place is in the atmosphere of crisis. The crisis of adversity is often life's way not only of telling us that something has gone wrong, but that we need to make some changes in life. It has been said, and I agree, that when you are down to nothing, God is up to something. Stay tuned to that thought.

It was good insight on the part of Virgil to suggest that we wait until tomorrow to begin again. In the throes of adversity we all need some "crying time". Any person who hopes to have the strength to "watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn out tools" (Kipling) most allow some time for regrouping and healing. It is important to take time to grieve what has been lost. We may even need the temporary use of self-pity (that easy, cheap, warm emotional anesthetic, which we have in such abundance) to get us past the grief and hurt. Just don't get hooked on it!!

Do not despair with people who need to relive their hurts, voice their bitterness and take a few shots of self-pity. These are feelings with which you may best liberate yourself by expressing them on the way to a more noble resolve. If the expression of these negative feeling are blocked by well-meaning friends, you will likely have to come back and deal with them at a later and perhaps more inappropriate time. Be patient with the wounded, especially if you are one of them. Given time, space and an empathetic ear, they are more likely to come out whole on the other side. You can know that a person has made it to safe ground when you hear them say: "Name not with the defeated, for tomorrow I begin again."

May this new year offer you so many opportunities that you will have to puzzle over which to accept; and may all your "tigers in the dark" turn out to be kittens in the light of love, both human and divine.

If you wish to send a comment or ask a question of Dr. Butts please use: tlb@gulf1.com